Going Viral

My mother texted me this afternoon.

Are you busy

Not really. I've been working from home for a week and a half now, practicing social distancing in the age of the coronavirus pandemic. I called her back.

"I have a special insurance policy to cover the cost of my cremation," she said. "They will mail the check straight to you at Dave's house."

 This is where we are now.  I had insomnia a few nights ago, and besides the late hour shoe shopping, I googled DIY will preparation. I may need a will. I fretted over it, but made no progress until my mother's frank discussion about where the documents were located in her house and who she'd chosen to manage her affairs should I predecease her. That gives one pause.

I moved in with my boyfriend about five months ago. My house is on the market, but it's hardly home shopping season, so it sits there. Uselessly.

I feel pretty useless too these days. I don't sew, so I can't crank out homemade facemasks. I can't concentrate, so I'm not writing any fiction. I can sit at home, though. I can not go places. I walk my dog around the neighborhood, within the fences of course and away from other humans and I will sit outside, weather permitting, on the deck. Last week, I posted this on my Facebook page:

First of all, I've been super anxious the last week or so about this COVID 19 situation and the resulting social distancing, etc., but it makes me feel better to try and make the best of things. Here's what I've been doing:
Monday, I ordered food from Giovanna's Italian Kitchen and picked it up. As a carry out (mostly) place, I hope Mike and the team will be okay while we are homebound, but I want to support where I can. Also, he makes the best meatballs and a special sandwich that I'm not sure anyone orders but me (chicken cheesesteak with hotsauce, provolone, and ranch)

Taharka Brothers - a local ice cream company that normally supplies local restaurants with their deliciousness is stuck now that restaurants have been closed, but they will sell a case of pints so I ordered one which should be delivered very soon. There's a key lime pie flavor people! They do good work in Baltimore, so check it out. https://deliver.taharkabrothers.com/
This morning, I placed an online order at Zeke's Coffee - Baltimore for iced coffees (seriously the best I've had anywhere) and some breakfast sandwiches as they are offering curbside pick up. This is normally a weekend hangout for me, but since I'm home, this seems an easy way to help them keep the lights on while I get delicious coffee.
Tonight might be Toss pizza or we might cook in, but while we are still free and able to get out even in a limited capacity, I want to support my neighbors who can't really work remotely. I hope you all find ways to do the same - the food/drink is more than worth the effort.
Feel free to share other recommendations with me!

I'm down to the last pint and a half of that case now. I had Zeke's again this morning, though I've slowed down a bit. The anxiety hasn't. This was the following weekend:

One week in:
I'm so grateful that my friends and family are healthy and I'm anxious about what the next two weeks will bring.
I've organized my books. I'm still working through boxes that need unpacking. I'm not trying to get anything done too quickly, taking breaks to watch some Hallmark channel or work on a mystery jigsaw puzzle. I'm eating. A lot. I'm not feeling too bad about it.

I get outside with Bella on walks or sitting on the deck for some fresh air. I rarely drive anywhere, though I did go by my other house to make sure everything is okay there and to pick up a few things from the basement. No one is house shopping obviously, so it's just sitting there.
I made a quick stop at the store for a few supplies - keeping my distance, wiping down surfaces with the antibac towels provided at the entrance, but we are mostly self-sufficient here. I bought tulips to keep the house cheery. The neighborhood put out grab and go bags of fresh fruit the other day, so we have apples, oranges, pears, and a plum.
So far, only one real argument with the SO. It blew over. The anxiety is real and manifests in different ways.
Bella is being a very good girl.
Dolby the cat is sleeping ON ME most nights.
I have cinnamon rolls in the oven now and a good supply of coffee and creamer.
Need something that I can provide? Let me know and we will work something out. Need a call or video chat? Ping me.
Be well everyone and be smart. Love you.

And now we are talking cremation funds. As of today. the US has passed all other countries in number of COVID-19 cases. Stories coming from NYC ERs are sounding like the worst kind of science fiction. I huddle in my basement office/lair with MSNBC on in bursts between Hallmark movies I've already seen many, many times. I talk to my mom nearly every day. I videochat my friends instead of shopping with them or having brunch. My work peeps and I send funny chats in a group string that keeps me laughing.

Do I think I'm going to die? I have no idea. It's also allergy season, so every cough is over analyzed. The tightness in my chest might only be crushing stress and not disease. My aches may be exhaustion from weeks of poor sleep and constant worry. I am terrified that those I love will get sick and die and nothing can be done. No one will be able to be with them or me or you if that happens. It feels inevitable. The only weapon we have is to stay home. To self-isolate.

Yesterday, I presented my boyfriend with a #choppedchallenge basket of four ingredients to integrate into a single dish just like the Food Network show. I will be his Alex Guarneschelli, tasting thoughtfully with a dead-eye stare before pronouncing my evaluation of the creation he prepared from thinly sliced chicken, instant lemon pudding, corn bread stuffing, and mild red enchilada sauce. I think he can pull it off.

After talking with my mom today, I discovered that my workplace EAP includes online will preparation. I now have a will.  There are other legal documents available to complete such as advanced directives, funeral preferences, and other such things, but I think they can wait a day or two. I have some food to taste.