This was totally the song I yelled along to on my way home tonight. You now those days when you just know that it's time to start thinking about a change in your reality? Today was one of those.
Actually, I have been building up to this for a few months now. I applied to an MFA program last year that was to start this coming summer. I was excited about it. I was ready. Finally, a forum for me to finish my novel-in-progress! Late in December I noticed that my program-to-be had disappeared from the school's website. Um, what? I waited for someone to call me. That never happened. It took about six or seven weeks before I had a voicemail from the program chair that the MFA wasn't going to launch. Bummer. As I had psyched myself up for this, and I was righteously angry at this pint, I pulled a list of the top ten low residency MFA programs in the US and selected four. One program was problematic because of the application deadline, so I concentrated on the other three. I rewrote the first two chapters of my novel and sent them along with a short story I wrote for the Pratt Contemporaries (fourth place, when first through third got published) to the schools - in some case in triplicate - along with all the other essays, analyses, and so on. The packets cost me about five bucks to mail. So now I wait.
While this was going on, I learned that my very good friend developed a sudden case of brain cancer. Well, fuck! She's a trooper and is enduring the daily chemo and radiation like a champ, but I keep thinking that the universe can't help but screw with us and our sense of stability. My own stability was a bit challenged today, too when I was asked about my plans for the future (in a way that made me think I'd better come up with something - quick) - where did I want to go? My last few jobs have not been my choice - I was assigned because of my experience - my knowledge, not my desire or my choice. Where do I want to go? I guess I had better explore my options. And in the meantime, I'm taking a kick-ass vacation because you just don't know what's around the corner, and I'd really like to check out St. Thomas before my number is up. I need some white sand, blue water and a few umbrella drinks. I need to laugh more. I want to sleep better, feel better, hope for more.
So, my friends, I wait to hear back from the schools I sent app packages to and I try to keep some perspective about work and how much of my attention that deserves. Where is the rest of my life? I work on my house, I rewrite my chapters, I plan for vacation. I want to see my old friends, I need to remember the me that didn't spend so much time alone. What's next for me? I'm not sure, but it feels good to be walking towards something, rather than waiting for something to walk my way.
